Choice is often presented as the cornerstone of freedom. We hear phrases like 鈥榊ou always have a choice鈥�, but in reality, many of the 鈥榗hoices鈥� we believe we鈥檙e making are shaped by years of social, cultural, and personal conditioning. From childhood, we are taught rules 鈥� spoken and unspoken 鈥� about what is acceptable, expected and safe. These early messages form the foundation of how we view ourselves in relation to the world around us.
The first illusion of choice begins here: the belief that we don鈥檛 really have a choice at all. As children, when our emotions are dismissed or our behaviours corrected to fit someone else鈥檚 version of 鈥榞ood鈥�, we learn to comply. We learn that acceptance comes with conditions. Over time, this leads to internalised limits on who we believe we can be, what paths we should take, and what we鈥檙e allowed to want. We start living within invisible walls built by fear, shame, and the desire for approval. It鈥檚 not that options don鈥檛 exist 鈥� it鈥檚 that we鈥檝e been taught not to see them.
Then comes the second illusion: that we do have choices, but only from a narrow, pre-approved set. Society presents a curated list of 鈥榓cceptable鈥� options 鈥� what careers are considered valid, what relationships look like, what success should be. Stray too far from those norms, and we鈥檙e met with resistance, judgment, or even rejection. The illusion of freedom becomes a performance, and many of us play along 鈥� not out of joy, but out of fear.
Together, these illusions foster a sense of powerlessness. We feel boxed in, unsure of who we really are beneath the conditioning. We second-guess ourselves, afraid to choose differently, fearing we鈥檒l get it wrong or be punished for stepping out of line. Self-trust is eroded, anxiety rises, and life starts to feel like something happening to us, rather than something we鈥檙e actively creating. But even in the smallest moments, we can begin to reclaim our agency. Shifting from 鈥業 have to鈥� to 鈥業 choose to鈥� can change everything. The job may stay the same 聽but suddenly, it鈥檚 a decision, not a trap. The relationship may continue 聽but now, you鈥檙e in it because you want to be, not because you鈥檙e scared to leave.
Freedom doesn鈥檛 come from having endless options. It comes from realising we can choose, consciously and intentionally even when the options are limited. The more we recognise this, the more we step out of the illusion and into our own power. And from there, the path forward becomes ours to shape.
