Communication is often thought of as simple: one person speaks, another listens, and understanding follows etc. But for neurodivergent individuals, it鈥檚 rarely that straightforward. It鈥檚 not a matter of inability - it鈥檚 about difference. Their way of thinking, processing, and expressing may not fit the mould society calls 鈥榥ormal鈥�, which, is typically shaped around neurotypical standards.
Many neurodivergent people are used to being misunderstood. They might be accused of overexplaining, missing cues, or reacting 鈥榦ddly鈥� when they鈥檙e simply expressing things in a way that feels natural to them. On the flip side, neurotypical people may feel confused when neurodivergent individuals give long, detailed answers or focus on context over brevity. But these aren't flaws 鈥� they鈥檙e differences in communication style.
Being misunderstood
However, the bigger issue lies in how society treats these differences. Neurodivergent people are often expected to adapt, adjust, and mask their natural way of communicating to meet neurotypical expectations, though rarely (and sadly) is the same effort made in return. This creates a communication imbalance that can lead to anxiety, exhaustion, and a deep sense of not being accepted for who you are. Context is key for many neurodivergent individuals. They may feel the need to explain the full picture 鈥� not to argue, but to feel understood in a world that doesn鈥檛 seem to want to understand. But in that very same world that values quick responses and unspoken rules, this can be misread as defensiveness or overthinking. Over time, this often leads to self-doubt, masking, and communication burnout. Many learn to constantly second-guess their words, not because of insecurity, but because they鈥檝e been told their natural way of speaking is 鈥榯oo much鈥�.
This misunderstanding is part of what鈥檚 known as the聽Double Empathy Problem, a concept introduced by Dr. Damian Milton. It suggests that the communication gap between neurodivergent and neurotypical people isn鈥檛 due to a lack of empathy on one side 鈥� it鈥檚 mutual. Both groups struggle to understand each other, yet only one is usually expected to employ empathy and adapt their behaviour.
Bridging the gap
True communication is a two-way street. It is important to now recognise that neurodivergent individuals already put in a tremendous amount of effort to meet others halfway. Now, it鈥檚 time for neurotypical people to do the same. That means listening without judgment, asking questions rather than assuming, and letting go of the idea that there鈥檚 one 鈥榬ight鈥� way to express thoughts and emotions. When we make space for different communication styles, we build trust, empathy, and genuine connection. We move from simply exchanging words to truly hearing one another. And that鈥檚 where real understanding begins 鈥� not in conformity, not in familiarity, but in compassion.
Meeting Halfway in the Therapy Room
In therapy, this meeting in the middle is not just possible. It鈥檚 essential. For therapists, it means learning to adapt their own communication style rather than expecting clients to conform to theirs. That might look like giving more time for responses, inviting context instead of avoiding it, or tuning in to what someone means, not just how they say it.
The goal isn鈥檛 to 鈥渃orrect鈥� but to understand. When a therapist brings curiosity instead of assumptions, and openness instead of expectation, it becomes a space where neurodivergent clients can feel seen without having to shrink themselves. This shift can make therapy not just supportive, but transformative. A place where difference is not just respected, but welcomed.
