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In March 2025 Netflix streamed a four-part series called Adolescence¹ that seemed to get everyone talking. The drama unfolds as a family鈥檚 world is turned upside down when their 13-year-old son is arrested for murdering a female peer. It was reportedly filmed one take per scene to make it feel realistic and powerful. It did and it was and, for me, that鈥檚 part of the problem. The series was written and directed by Jack Thorne and Stephen Graham, who also played the accused鈥檚 father.

I am unable to find any evidence of expert consultation during writing or production, but opinion has proliferated with a seemingly equal number of psych professionals saying, 鈥業t鈥檚 great; we loved it; it鈥檚 so realistic鈥� to those saying, 鈥業t wasn鈥檛; we didn鈥檛; it鈥檚 not鈥�. Having watched it 鈥� twice 鈥� I鈥檓 left with one big question, 鈥榃hat was the point of Adolescence?鈥�

According to Graham and Thorne the aim was to pose questions about the pressures faced by young men, particularly the influence of online communities and social media on their sense of identity and masculinity, and act as a cautionary tale about the potential dangers of radicalisation as well as the importance of family dynamics.² And pose questions it did, along with evoking strong and divisive opinion. I shared my initial reaction on LinkedIn, my professional platform of choice, which led to invitations to elaborate on The Good Enough Counsellor podcast,³ and write this opinion piece. Here, I examine the questions raised by Adolescence, challenge the misconceptions about teenage boys, and offer a healthy dose of realism.听

Identity formation听

Adolescence is not a 鈥榃hodunnit鈥�. We know the crime was committed by a 13-year-old boy whose identity shifts from frail, frightened, innocent to violent murderer, literally overnight, provoking the questions 鈥榃hy?鈥� and 鈥楬ow?鈥� and 鈥楧o all 13-year-old boys have the capacity to kill?鈥� Actual adolescence is a time of transition, stretching painfully from puberty to the mid-20s. Our bodies and brains go through periods of storm and stress, making us feel horny, haunted and upside down. For boys and those assigned male at birth, there are changes in the larynx, muscle bulk, genitals and sperm production, heralding sexual potential. For adolescents, brain development surges with areas of most rapid growth associated with social and emotional development and risk taking. Increased secretion of cortisol and dopamine means that teens have bigger reactions to fear and anger as well as a听 greater motivation for thrill seeking. They walk the line between a desire to stand out and a desire to fit in as they commit to pursuits separate from their families. These social, emotional and physiological changes are part of ordinary, adolescent maturation that happens to everyone. What differs is environmental context, which is equally as important, because our identity is the consequence of the idiosyncratic interplay between nature and nurture.

Could your boy be a killer?

The series creators claim that Adolescence explores the impact of family relationships on young men鈥檚听identity and the role of communication to address the challenges of the digital age.² I think it misses the mark. The family portrayed is white, working class, nuclear, comprising mother, father and two teens. It鈥檚 about as typical as you can get for the northern town where the drama is set. What is atypical is the depiction of school and family life, and the horrific act of violence that seemingly comes from nowhere. As well as being frustrating to watch, the unrealistic portrayals of school and family sent shockwaves through actual schools, families and even Parliament, with terrified parents, teachers and ministers now convinced that young boys from loving families have the capacity to kill their female classmates. And when the crime is committed, schools will respond chaotically and uncaringly by shoving students in front of boxy TV sets. In my experience, violence begets violence, and children from loving, stable homes with secure attachments and an absence of adverse childhood experiences do not become murderers. But Adolescence has viewers believing that the reason innocuous boys from ordinary families become killers is because they鈥檝e been captured by the 鈥榤anosphere鈥�, and it鈥檚 happening right now, in homes everywhere, to boys like theirs.

Ban smartphones?听

Post-Adolescence discourse has mostly focused on teenage boys鈥� screen time, fuelling yet more misleading and scaremongering headlines about toxic online rabbit holes. I鈥檓 incensed that so many people jumped on the already full 鈥榓dolescent boys are dangerous鈥� and 鈥榣et鈥檚 ban smartphones鈥� bandwagons, which help no one, least of all adolescents. The answer is not a smartphone-free childhood or a ban on social media; it鈥檚 education 鈥� our own, as adults who are not digital natives, as well as the young people we care about. The series missed an opportunity to explore the nuances of life online and off for Gen Z 鈥� and I stress that both are real 鈥� and instead left parents and educators even more confused about young people鈥檚 online and offline worlds with its unexplored inferences about exploding emojis, influencers and incels.听

Digital rabbit hole?听

Adolescence intimated that teenage boys are accessing information about what it means to be a man from far-right influencers promoting toxic masculinity, misogyny and incels, in online spaces known collectively as the 鈥榤anosphere鈥�. In one scene, a list of emojis is reeled off that teens are supposedly using on a daily basis: kidney beans and exploding pills to identify incels; red pills and 100 to denote the so-called 鈥榯ruth鈥� that 80% of women are attracted to 20% of men; and all the symbolism of the different-coloured heart emojis: red for love, purple for horny, yellow for 鈥業鈥檓 interested鈥�, pink for 鈥業鈥檓 interested but not in sex鈥�. To coin an adolescent phrase, 鈥業t鈥檚 not that deep鈥�. Most teenagers are not communicating via emojis like that, and most are not using Instagram because that鈥檚 for us 鈥榦ldies鈥�.听

The term 鈥榠ncel鈥� is an abbreviation for involuntarily celibate; but the boy in Adolescence is 13 and therefore legally celibate. I鈥檓 not naive enough to think that no one is having sex at 13, but听those who are are in the minority. The 鈥榤anosphere鈥� is predominantly an adult space, populated by and influencing grown males. Online and off, I witness way more misogyny and toxic masculinity among adult men than teenage boys, including, sadly, therapists, counsellors, parents, teachers and the wider population. What I observe in adolescents and younger adults of all genders is a readiness, willingness and vocabulary to talk about their experiences with people who are prepared to listen. There are some adolescent boys, undoubtedly, who fall prey to the lure of the 鈥榤anosphere鈥�, embracing extreme ideologies and radicalisation, but again, these are the exception rather than the norm, and it doesn鈥檛 happen by chance. Young people need to experience love and belonging 鈥� as we all do. For most these needs are met at home and school, but if not they鈥檒l look elsewhere, to online communities and offline gangs that target the vulnerable with promises to offer what they鈥檙e missing.

Fact or fiction?听

In an interview, Graham said of Adolescence, 鈥榃e made a piece that was based on truth and what鈥檚 happening in Britain with young men stabbing young girls to death. We just wanted to shine a light there and create conversation between parents and children.鈥�² Firstly, Adolescence has a UK rating of 15 and a US rating of TV-MA (17), which excludes most children from (legally) watching it. Secondly, concerned by Graham鈥檚 proclamation about 鈥榳hat鈥檚 happening in Britain鈥� and the interviewer鈥檚 assertion that the series was inspired by 鈥榓 鈥渟pate鈥� of violent acts committed by teenage boys against teenage girls鈥�,² I checked the facts and discovered that the number of girls under 16 who were murdered with a knife last year was seven.⁴ While this is devastating, in a UK population of 6.6 million girls, it鈥檚 also an incredibly low probability of 0.010606%, which hardly constitutes a spate. I learned too that the largest decrease in homicides was in younger demographics, with a fall of 19% in both under-16s and 16-24s.⁴听

Episode 3 of Adolescence portrays a psychological assessment of the accused, to gain an 鈥榰nderstanding of his understanding鈥�, as he mimics more than once. Both actors give powerful, praiseworthy performances, but again it鈥檚 misrepresentative. There are, however, some noteworthy elements that have mostly gone unmentioned, with comments instead focusing on how the boy spins from calm, innocent, 鈥榖utter wouldn鈥檛 melt鈥�, to crazed, violent, caricature of a killer. The first time he loses his temper is in response to being in a mental institution because there鈥檚 no room in the appropriate facility, which seems fair enough. The second is in response to being made to feel ugly, which is understandable. And the third is in response to his poignant question, 鈥楧o you like me?鈥�, which hangs heartbreakingly unanswered. My point is, the boy鈥檚 anger is a response to something, and examined in the context of adolescent development, with its sexual potential, big, hormonal reactions and the desire to be loved, it makes sense. It does not, however, make sense that this would propel the boy to kill.听

What鈥檚 needed?听

Young people learn how to be adults, predominantly, from role models like us. In Adolescence, the psychologist asks the boy to tell her about his dad, his grandad, what they did for work and outside work, how they treated their wives, how they treated him. These are the things I鈥檓 curious about when I meet young people in therapy too, although my questions are less interrogatory and antagonistic than hers, and more conversational in tone. Adolescents need us to provide good, solid role models, because if we don鈥檛 they鈥檒l find alternatives elsewhere. They need us to be interested in them and delight in them, because if we don鈥檛 they鈥檒l find succour in digital communities and gangs. They need us to understand what it鈥檚 like to be young in the contemporary world by talking to them rather than about them, because if we don鈥檛 they鈥檒l stop telling us stuff. They need us to quit lecturing them about where they鈥檙e getting their information, and think about where we鈥檙e getting ours and then challenge that ideology together through regular, informal 鈥榥ot a big deal鈥� chats during dinner and school runs and therapy sessions, because if we don鈥檛 everyone remains ignorant and misinformed. Adolescents need us to practise what we preach by reducing our doomscrolling and critiquing what we read in newspapers and view online. And on Netflix.听